Dear Single, Christian Woman Who’s Caught in Liking an Unbeliever


You were starting to be content with your singleness until someone comes along to rock your convictions and commitments to live life undivided for Christ. The worse part of it is that he is an unbeliever. Perhaps, it would have been less complicated if he was of the same household of faith like you are, but he is not. Then, here comes a young gentleman—attractive in so many ways—who likes to talk to you, respects, compliments, and appreciates you. You hit it off right away when you met. He seems to be nice and passionate about life. But hey sister, he’s not a believer! You already know how this would end. So you want to guard your heart, but the challenge is on! You just officially caught yourself on guard with his appeal and attention. 

You pray every night, resisting yourself from temptation, but he’s so cute and fine, and his text messages are quite entertaining when he asks you “what you doing?” Every now and then, you run into him somewhere and simple get-togethers are turning visions of forever (oh, your foolish heart!) Your spirit is surely stretched, your heart drenched with emotions. “What do I do?” is always your question. Deep inside you already know he is not “the one,” but seeing him on a regular manner makes the situation more difficult. He cares and has become a friend. You desire to introduce him to Christ as you also search your heart and motives for sharing the gospel. You know evangelism is less effective when romance is also on board, don’t you? Oh sister, “missionary dating” seems to be ringing and you don’t want to hear and answer it.

So you run to the Word, you run to your trusted friends and counselors, and you run to God before little compromises turn into big sin. What wise thing to do! The battle continues every day! Flesh tries to creep in every now and then, and the temptation to dominate and control the situation is knocking on the door of your redeemed self. Dear Christian woman: don’t let it enter in. Continue to run and humble yourself to God, and the devil will eventually flee from you. That nice guy is not worthy of your emotion nor attention, even though he may seem to have some sort of “godliness.” You know he doesn’t; you should be wiser than that to discern that him, putting too much hopes in his career and hobbies more than God, is a huge red flag. Even though he seems to be a good guy with good intentions, do not make him “the one” because he is not. Eventually, you would fall unto him and you would make a big mistake of dating an unbeliever if you don’t cut your emotional attachments to him as soon as you can. Unless he turns to Christ and His Lordship which would reflect on the way he lives, don’t even consider him. Don’t unequally yoke with an unbeliever because ultimately it will never work out if you have differing values and faith. God is never gray with this command. When someone advices you to give it a shot and tells you that you’re so extreme, remember how you’ve tried before and how God used that time to chasten and discipline you. It is not worth it. Would you ever want to be disciplined again and make the same mistakes? No. You should know better now. Save yourself some heartaches this time and fear God above all.

I know how it feels good when someone is drawing their attention to you and invites you to their life. How it feels good when someone is actually giving you mutual encouragements and cares. But trust me, it won’t feel good anymore once you date and marry this person and debate with him because your authority is God’s Word and his is not. What does it profit you if that nice yet unbelieving guy doesn’t pray, serve, and worship God with you? What does it benefit you if he isn’t willing to deny his life for the sake of following Christ just like you do? Why do you continue to seek for companionship above God? Is Jesus not worthy enough? Think and ask these questions again. 

As you care for his lost soul, don’t lose your mind and let your own soul to be disturbed. Pray for him and for more opportunities to share the gospel, but don’t try to do it exclusively before a dinner table and say you’re just having a “friendly hang out.” Don’t let him stumble even more by sending mixed signals of flirting, converting, and nailing the guy. Only the jezebels flirt, only God’s Spirit has the ability to convert, and only the nailed-Person on the cross but the resurrected One must your dear friend be directed to. 

Know that God is still in control and use this opportunity to trust and honor Him with your feelings and emotions. Choose faith and obedience more than feelings and temporary pleasures. Remind yourself of your convictions and ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen you so you could flee from compromise. That guy’s temporary attention and companionship is not even close to what Christ has to offer. It’s not worth it to give up faith for feelings; more so, it’s not worth giving up Jesus for a human lover who doesn’t worship and serve Him. Be strong and courageous! Learn from Abraham’s faith when God tested him and called him to slay his son, Isaac, and offer him as a sacrifice (Genesis 22). Abraham obeyed and chose God more than his own will; in the end, God spared his beloved son and rewarded him greatly, giving him more descendants than he could imagine. Maybe God is using this time to test you and see how far your faith and love for Him goes. Are you willing to slay your “own Isaac” for the sake of obeying Him? Maybe this is a preparation for a bigger blessing to come. Who knows? Take heart and trust in Him. He is sovereign and knows everything. Leave if you must and go. Have courage to close your physical eyes so you can see more spiritually and embrace the fact that God has better in store for you in the future. Remember that “no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (Ps. 84:11).” If you love and obey God, I’m sure He won’t keep you from getting what’s best. Finally, take this advice from a speaker I listened to last weekend: “What you don’t have right now, you don’t need. God is not wasting every single moment of your life.” You don’t need that unbelieving guy’s or any other guy’s attention. You are loved, sealed, and cherished by our Divine lover, who has all the power to direct you to the right person later on if He wills it. Just wait, trust, and obey, dear single Christian woman.

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16 thoughts on “Dear Single, Christian Woman Who’s Caught in Liking an Unbeliever

  1. Well, that’s a lot of scolding 🙂

    I’ll share it to our church’ fb page
    “A man (or woman in this case) of experience is not at the mercy of a man with a debate.” *wink*
    Thanks imay for sharing! God bless.

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